48 Hours Post-Surgery

So it has been about 48hrs since Jacks surgery ended and what a trip we have been on.... Coming into this whole thing I thought of it as a 3 mountain process, the 1st mountain was to make it to surgery day, the 2nd was to make it through the surgery-a big part of that was making it through having to hand over my little guy - and the 3rd step was getting through the recovery, mainly the hard times until my Jack the happy sweet boy I know came back to us.. Every surgery before this point we would have a really hard time for the hours after surgery getting Jack to calm down, he would sort of turn into this really mad, nothing can calm him little person, so knowing this surgery and what it entailed I knew we were in for some really hard times, and we were.... The hours that followed surgery, once we were able to meet back up with him in the PICU were of Jack coming out of the drugs, he was really out of it and would open his eyes and you could just tell, they were glossed over and he was not feeling anything. Which personally I was glad to see, the last thing I wanted was my baby to be hurting, especially when I can do nothing to help. Later that night he finally came out of it and we were able to remove his breathing tube, they had tried earlier, but he wouldn't breath when it was out due to him still being so drugged, so when he did wake up he freaked out a little knowing that he was trying to scream and something was in his throat not letting him do that. So we removed the breathing tube and the anger began. He was not happy, and he was having some really bad side effects to the drugs he was getting. The main issue was that it was making him itch really bad, especially his face, which was already irritated due to the sticky things that had been holding monitors and stuff to it, so to say the least he was trying to itch his face, while we were trying to get him oxygen, and his face was getting raw. finally we were able to find a different pain medication that did not make him so itchy and we were able to do a blow by of the oxygen, even though as soon as he felt air by his face he would get really mad. That was pretty much how the first night went, he was mad, didn't really sleep at all, and he had a sore face. We were in an area where Jack and the next baby next to him were only separated by a curtain and across the hall were 2 other babies set up the same way. This posed a huge issue as when Jack would finally fall asleep any noise, ie a monitor, nurses talking, a pen dropping, would wake our little man up and he would freak out again in anger.... so on Tuesday morning we were moved to a private room, still in the PICU, but private, the feeling as we went into this room just were of complete peace, it was heaven and I know it helped Jack right away. He was given some pain medication, and it was finally one that was helping and had no crazy side effects, so he slept, it was wonderful he needed it so badly, my heart was hurting so much to see him not happy, and I would try everything I could to soothe him but nothing would work. That was the hardest for me, he would push me away and be upset with me and I just wanted to cry, this wasn't my little boy and I questioned what we were doing. But finally after he woke from sleeping about 6hrs, he was crying a little and I went to him and he reached for me.... I was in HEAVEN, he wanted his momma and I was able to hold him and make it better for him. My little guy was back, he even would do a few of his dance moves to his music which before he wanted nothing to do with. Little by little we are getting there, as more tubes are taken off of him he is just feeling much better, and he is getting back to his charming self. The biggest shocker to me is that he is moving and sitting up and looking like he wants to crawl and just all of these things and the nurses say that it is ok for him to do it, they have had no issue with it at all, I jump and try to stop him with any tiny movement he has and it now is not such a big deal. The only time we really needed to control his movement was when he had the breathing tube still in but besides that we didn't really have to control his movement unless it was something crazy, but he really didn't try anything like that so it's been a learning experience. Now we are at waiting and having x-rays, blood and echos done... They did remove his chest tube this morning and we might even get moved out of the PICU today onto the main floor.... so that is the update for now. it's been a crazy ride so far, but I'm feeling at peace finally, I can breath. I know we are in for a long road of recovery but the big part I feared is almost over...