Scared... So Scared

Today I got a call from Jacks cardiologist, with news that honestly I never thought I would have to deal with. From our first appointment we were told of what the options were to take care of the holes in Jacks heart, but the final one - open heart surgery - was one that seemed like we would never have to deal with, it was something that was never focused on, due to thoughts that it would never come to that.... but it has.
Our sweet little man is going to have to go in for open heart surgery, and typing it makes me almost go numb. The thought makes it hard to breath. I see him smile, I hear him yelling with his sister and I just can't believe it. He seemed like he was doing sooooo good after his tonsils and adenoids were removed. He is such a happy kid, he had so much more life in him so much more energy. I had no worries about the ECHO on Friday, I thought I knew what we would be told, but I was wrong, so wrong.
So here we go, our cardiologist suggested we get in for the surgery before July, as that is when new surgeons come in and she feels it is better to go with the surgeons who are there now, so she said we should do it in April, May or June. Well doing it in May or June is out due to the baby coming, so April will be our month, our month of dealing with the scariest thing I have ever been faced with. I guess part of me doesn't understand why, why does this sweet boy have to face this now, after all he already has had to go through, and everything he will still have to face in the future, why add this to his little plate? I know the why questions are useless but they are there and will keep coming back no matter what answer I give them. My eyes hurt from crying so much, but the tears keep coming, they won't stop. I think the last time I cried like this was when Jack was born, and I think back now and see and know the joy that came after those tears had passed and I'm praying the same will happen here, I'm crossing my fingers, knocking on wood and whatever else I need to do to be able to add another post in a month saying I can't believe how good Jack is doing.....